MY STAR-CROSSED THEORY
When most people speak about star-crossed lovers, they’re referring to William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. The two teenagers were thrown together by fate, fell in love but were forced apart due to family circumstances. Romeo and Juliet’s love (and lives) were forfeited to bring a greater understanding to both their families that hate only begets more misery.
The societal pressures placed on two people will always be in factor in whether a relationship survives. But, personal experience, self-esteem, and time play just as significant a role.
The societal pressures placed on two people will always be in factor in whether a relationship survives. But, personal experience, self-esteem, and time play just as significant a role.
Theory
First of all, when you feel that you have found your soul mate, you bring all your personal experiences and everything you’ve learned about yourself to the table. Are you a giving person? Do you approach people aggressively? Have you had many tragedies in your life, or maybe you’ve had very few disappointments? Any variations can be spun on the complex web of one’s life, making each person entirely and irrevocably unique.
The total of these experiences makes us who we are.
The total of these experiences makes us who we are.
Second, when we look at what we’ve done with our lives, do we like ourselves? The person you will always go to sleep with and wake up with is you. Are you happy with who you have become? Are you satisfied with the way you handle situations, or are you always disappointed in yourself? We have all heard the saying, “To love someone else, you first must learn to love yourself.” Having good self-esteem is like having money in the bank. When life throws curve balls at you, there is a better chance of making the right decision, and you’re confident in your ability to do so.
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And finally, there is the subject of time. Let’s say that Max is thirty years old, happy with himself, and pleased with what he has accomplished. He meets twenty-seven-year-old Candice, who has a pleasant personality, and he falls head over heels for her. For the next few months, they are inseparable, and friends remark how they can finish each other’s sentences. By the third month, Max breaks off the relationship because Candice is just too indecisive. Instead of standing on her convictions, she caves and will usually agree with him. Candice is heartbroken, and they go their separate ways.
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 William Shakespear's
Romeo and Juliet |
Let’s jump ahead ten years. Candice is now happy with the decisions she makes for herself, and at age thirty-seven, she is a very self-aware and confident woman. If a decade ago, she had met Max with her present wealth of experience, they might have gotten along more positively and found they were extremely suited to each other.
On the other hand, forty-year-old Max has been married for the past five years and has three children. He wishes that his wife was a bit less head-strong and opinionated because when it’s decision-making time, they keep bumping heads.
I said all this to refer to another old saying, “Being at the right place, at the right time.” We might idealistically think that it’s a shame that Max and Candice did not meet under better circumstances, but in the long run, time rules us all.
Remember all the components involved when you decide to set up the relationship scale for you and your partner. Star-crossed is just a way of saying that two people have similar interests and seem compatible when they meet, but something still seems unbalanced.
True love means knowing that as time marches on, things will be placed on and taken away from that scale, sometimes causing a scary balancing act. I would say that the fourth component to love is learning when to compromise, but that just wouldn’t be romantic, now would it?
On the other hand, forty-year-old Max has been married for the past five years and has three children. He wishes that his wife was a bit less head-strong and opinionated because when it’s decision-making time, they keep bumping heads.
I said all this to refer to another old saying, “Being at the right place, at the right time.” We might idealistically think that it’s a shame that Max and Candice did not meet under better circumstances, but in the long run, time rules us all.
Remember all the components involved when you decide to set up the relationship scale for you and your partner. Star-crossed is just a way of saying that two people have similar interests and seem compatible when they meet, but something still seems unbalanced.
True love means knowing that as time marches on, things will be placed on and taken away from that scale, sometimes causing a scary balancing act. I would say that the fourth component to love is learning when to compromise, but that just wouldn’t be romantic, now would it?
Other advice, commentary and personal stories
