Believe in total honesty? There are times when it can be more difficult than you can imagine.
Brief background: I (the author) became a widower after a twenty-year marriage. My late wife died unexpectedly of an aortic aneurysm. About a year later, my only sibling passed away from colon cancer. Six months later, through my misery, I understood how short and precious life was. I still had love to offer and I needed some happiness. I really was not interested in any crazy dating scene so I decided to join eHarmony. This is also where my story begins.
Through instant messaging, I began corresponding with a nice woman named Diane who had two young kids. I soon found that we had a lot in common. After a few days of phone calls, she understood that our relationship was progressing positively so she made a confession to me. She was on dialysis and was dealing with some potentially serious health risks. Diane seemed to understand when I told her that because of my wife’s passing, I honestly could not continue with our relationship. I would be an emotional wreck (not to mention my kids) if anything ever happened to her. Diane appreciated my honesty, just as I appreciated hers. We sadly said our goodbyes, knowing that we would no longer contact each other.
Late in November, I met Rosanne on-line. After some enjoyable instant messaging and a few phone calls, we talked about dating and she invited me to a yoga session at an institute located near Union Square in Manhattan.
It was fun not only because I had never done that type of thing before but because of her good company. Afterwards, I invited her to a late lunch in the neighborhood. As we waited for our order, she presented me with a gift of wrapped science fiction books. I could not help but be touched by the romance of the moment. I had only mentioned this interest to her once she remembered and had acted on it.
She spoke of her many hopes for the future and mentioned that she enjoyed eHarmony because she believed in leaving her options open. We finished the evening by seeing the movie Ray and I drove her to her complex in Brooklyn, sealing the night with a kiss on her cheek. Next weekend, we went to the medieval surroundings of the Cloister’s museum and on our third date, we spent the evening at the Brooklyn Museum where we playfully danced across their ballroom type exhibition area to various concertos.
During our relationship, Rosanne and I spoke on the phone almost every night but as time progressed, I felt she was becoming more distant. After a few weeks of knowing each other, every time I brought up the conversation of intimacy, it kept getting sidetracked. I figured a few weeks weren’t very long so I did my best to be a gentleman. Whenever we went on a date, I would pick her up around her apartment complex but I never knew her address. This seemed strange but I understood how a single woman living in Brooklyn would want to be careful.
About two weeks before Christmas, I decided to be frank with her. On the phone, I mentioned how long it had been since I had been intimate (since my late wife had passed). Rosanne seemed comfortable with the conversation so I asked her how long had it been since she was with someone. Very nonchalantly, she answered, “About two weeks ago.” I stopped dead in my tracks. We had been going out for more than a month, spoke almost every night and she had sex two weeks ago? When I questioned her on this she said, “I’m also seeing someone else. I told you before that I believe in leaving my options open.” Needless to say, the conversation soon came to a close and we said our goodbyes. Merry Christmas.
The contrasts in the two stories show that honesty is seen from the owner’s perspective. Diane felt I should know the important factors in her life so I could make an honest decision on how to proceed. Rosanne on the other hand never felt that she lied to me; she simply did not mention that she was seeing someone else. We take for granted that we all carry the same meaning of when we say the word honesty. Encarta World Dictionary defines honesty as the quality of condition, or characteristic of being fair, just, truthful, and morally upright. I’m certain you’ve got your personal view of the word honesty. Let’s all try not to hurt each other by being too honest.
I love my New York home. Its diversity inspires me. I would not for the world trade my multitude of experiences there.